Did you know that 48 percent of men vs 28 percent of women fall in love at first sight?
While the beginning of a relationship is new and exciting for many, sadly, some couples grow apart over time. The good news is — marriage counseling is available.
If this has happened to you and your spouse, and you’re considering marriage counseling, you should go prepared.
Read on to learn some marriage counseling questions to ask during your sessions.
What Are Our Biggest Issues?
Sometimes the things one person considers to be an issue might not be aligned with what the other person feels. The fact that couples are divided about these issues is one of the reasons why the relationship might strain.
Once you decide to take the step to go to therapy, it’s important to put these issues out in the open.
Ask your spouse what he or she thinks is the bigger issue. For example, you might think the main issue is you don’t spend enough time together. And your spouse might have an entirely different opinion.
You will feel better about therapy when you know what both of you need to work on.
What Issue Do You Consider the Most Important?
Ask your spouse which issue he or she considers a priority. This will help you make the decision of which issues to work on first.
Give your spouse your honest opinion of what you think are the most important issues.
How Do You Feel About Our Relationship?
You might not feel your relationship can be salvaged, but your spouse might feel differently about it, or vice-versa.
While in therapy, it’s important to have an honest and open conversation about how each person feels about the relationship.
If you both made the decision to go to therapy, chances are, you both feel strongly about saving it.
Do You Think This is a Bad Phase?
It’s common for relationships to go through bad patches. When you and your spouse arrive in therapy, it’s important to determine if you both agree it’s just a bad phase.
Talk about when you noticed the bad phase started so you can take steps towards remedying it.
Have You Thought About Divorce?
When couples go through bad patches, maybe one or both of the spouses has thought about divorce.
If you want to know if your spouse has thought about divorce, this is the time to ask.
The answer might be yes, but unless you have both given it serious consideration or think it’s the only solution, try to work the issues out in therapy.
Ask your spouse whether divorce was a fleeting thought or their bottom line.
What is Your Biggest Issue with Me?
As a spouse, you might not want to hear what the other person doesn’t like about you. However, it’s an important step to take if you’re serious about therapy.
It’s common in a marriage not to love everything about the other person. And while not liking things about each other doesn’t usually lead to divorce, but it can create some tension between you and your spouse.
When you learn from the other person the things that bother them, you can work on these issues.
Do You Still Trust Me?
Trust is one of the most important things in a marriage. Without trust, it could be really difficult to connect and re-build intimacy.
Ask your spouse if they feel like they can trust you. If you don’t trust your spouse like you used to, or your spouse doesn’t trust you, it’s not too late to rebuild the relationship.
Marriage counseling can help you and your spouse rebuild the trust that might have gotten lost through the years.
How Can I Get Your Trust Back?
If your spouse tells you they no longer trust you, don’t get discouraged. Ask your spouse what you can do to get their trust back.
Start by telling your spouse you understand where they are coming from and don’t react negatively to their feedback.
Asking your spouse for forgiveness and tell them that you will work on regaining their trust.
Since you’re having an honest and open discussion, tell your spouse what he or she can do to regain your trust.
Do You Think We Lost Intimacy?
Intimacy is one of the elements of a happy relationship. Unfortunately, some couples experience a loss of intimacy over the years.
Ask your spouse how they feel about your intimacy as a couple. Find out what they need to rekindle the initial spark and re-build the intimacy that was lost over the years.
What Are Your Expectations for Therapy?
As you go into marriage counseling you might have certain expectations and your spouse might have completely different ones.
Make sure you ask your spouse what their expectations are. If you are going into therapy hoping to rebuild the relationship and your spouse doesn’t share those expectations, it might not work out.
However, if you both go into counseling hoping to fix your issues, you have a good chance to make it work.
Have You Considered Seeing Someone Else?
If the relationship has been deteriorating over the years and intimacy is not what it used to be, it may not be uncommon for your spouse to develop a connection with another person.
Ask your spouse if they considered or are seeing someone else. Sometimes couples start other relationships when they seriously considered divorce.
If you and your spouse consider giving it another try despite the infidelity, you should talk about the feelings that led them there.
Why Do You Want To Work Things Out?
Ask your spouse why they want to work things out. They might have different reasons why they want to work things out than you.
One of you might want to work things out of love, while the other might want to do it for the children or financial reasons.
Marriage Counseling Questions: The Bottom Line
Keep these marriage counseling questions in mind when you attend your first therapy session. Remember to keep an open mind and allow your spouse to answer these questions honestly.
Nervous about your first therapy session? If you want to know what to expect during your first session, check out this article.